Guacamole. Learn it, love it, live it.

If I do say so myself, my guacamole (pronounced hwahk-ah-mo-leh, thank you very much… yes, even in Austin) is fairly addictive.

But it has NOTHING on this:
http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-guac23.html

This is the simple, basic Guacamole I make when I need something very quick and easy to dip chips in or stuff in my fajitas… There are quite a few variations on this theme, but this is a very safe and tasty version… Maybe, maybe if you ask VERY nicely, I’ll give you my poblano version.

Whatever you do, please don’t buy store-bought, msg-laden glop… it’s way too expensive, very disgusting and just… well… just not right.

Guacamole del David

6 Large Avacados (Aguacates!)
half an onion
2 Jalapenos (adjust number to taste… a little goes a long way here)
half a tomato
half a lime
kosher salt

So simple. Do NOT, under any circumstances use a blender or veg-o-matic for ANY of these steps. The key to good guacamole is the coarse, hand wraught texture.

You need to mince your onion and jalapenos into as tiny, lil’ bits as you can. I’m talking: the head of a pin.

Okay, as small as you can get them. Onion: use the “dicing onion” trick (you know, put onion face down on the cutting board, slice parallel to the board almost all the way through, slice perpendicularly lengthwise, then cut perpendicularly to that last cut). Should be good enough, especially if you run your knife through the onion cubes.

Jalapeno.. slice in half lengthwise. Gringos ought scrape out the seeds and membranes. Slice into long, thin strips. Then chop into tiny bits.

Dice the tomato.

Now for the main characters:

Slice the avocado in half (lengthwise). Now, if you’ve never seen the inside of a fresh avocado, please note that there is a very large seed/stone in these suckers. My tips here: take off the pip where the stem used to be, first… this has a nasty habit of falling off into the mix. Basically make a circle around the parimeter of the stone with your knife. The skin is leathery and tough, so use the base of the knife, not the tip. Like an oreo, it’s best to twist the two halfs to seperate them. If the seed doesn’t pop out on its own, use a spoon (the seed tends to stick.. you may have to sacrifice some of the fruit to pull it out… it’s critical that it gets out.

put the stone to the side.

Next examine your avocado. It should be bright green, not yellow (darker green around the edges). Yellow is ok, but just know it’s not quite ripe and the taste isn’t going to be Davidelicious. BROWN (little veins of brown, for example) is completely unacceptable… it probably means that your poor little baby had a little boo-boo in its skin and has gone rancid. It’s possible to salvage green stuff, but in my experience, I’ve never seen an avocado that was only “a little bad.” When in doubt, toss it.

A tablespoon is the perfect shovel to scoop out as much of the green stuff as you can from each half into a bowl (Plastic bowl, please… one of many superstitions around Guacamole).

You should have 12 avocado halfs in the bowl when you are done. Toss in the jalapeno bits, onion cubes, and a couple pinches of that lovely coarse kosher salt.

Mash these guys into large chunks (but not mush, yet).

I have a potato masher that works perfectly for this, but you could probably get away with a fork.

Squeeze the lime into the bowl.

Complete the mashing.

Toss in the tomato and mix completely using a spoon.

Done.

Be sure to clean up as quickly as possible. Guacamole is MURDER to clean when it dries on dirty dishes.

This recipe makes a LOT of guacamole. It keeps for about 3 or 4 days in the fridge IF you have it in a small, airtight container.

As you may know, avocados oxidize quickly when exposed to the atmosphere.

The super-secret tip is to put the avocado stones back into your guacamole bowl. This slows down the oxidation.

Now, hold on there, chief. Before you write me the 10-page, angry, raving email that this is an old wives tale, please note that the placebo effect applies here, so who am I to argue.

Besides, if it’s good enough for grandma, it’s good enough for you.

More importantly, just know that if it doesn’t work for you that means you aren’t loved.

I also defy you to take two bowls of guacamole from the same batch, put an avocado stone in one and not the other and see which one goes bad first.

You’ll be pleasantly suprised.

I know I was.

Enjoy.